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Have a Love Affair with Your Customer!!

Many years ago when I was just getting started in my sales career, I had a client (Jim) say the following to me: “Our business relationship will be very much like a dating relationship”. I’m sure I had a puzzled look on my face so he continued, “In this relationship, you will play the role of the man, and I will play the role of the woman.”

At this point, I was more than a bit puzzled – I was starting to sweat uncomfortably and had an overwhelming desire to break and run. What did he mean by “play the role of the man”? Instead of breaking and running, I asked him to continue. He could see the look of concern (more like sheer terror) on my face and laughed and said, “It’s quite simple really – I want what I want, when I want it, and just remember – I’m always right!”

Overcome with relief that he wasn’t part of some weird sex cult and coming on to me, I muttered something like, “Sure, I can play by those rules”. He turned out to be a very demanding yet very loyal client. Over the course of a couple of years I sold him over $45 Million in products and services.

One of the key takeaways I learned from that experience is that it is imperative to have a “Love Affair With Your Customer”. No, not in the kinky degrading sort of way, but in a way that is authentic and truly has your customer’s best interest at heart.

You see, what Jim was really telling me all those years ago is that he wanted to do business with someone that:

1) He Trusted.  Without trust, your customers will never “love” you. Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship – business or otherwise.
2) Listened to Him.  At the end of the day, your customer is a person and wants to be treated like a person. This includes listening to their issues. As Stephen Covey would say, “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” So often, we want to tell our prospective customer all of the wonderful things our product or service will do for them without truly understanding their needs.
3) Met His Needs.  Only after you have built trust and listened to their needs will you be ready to proceed to step 3 which is meeting those needs.

Here’s the beautiful part of this equation and where it truly gets exciting. If you perform the following 3 steps better than anyone in your particular market place, your customers will indeed develop a lasting love relationship with you that will stand the test of time.

As a matter of fact, the bond will be so strong that it will defy all logic and reason. Your competitor can lower their price by 20% and your customer will not “cheat” on you by switching to your competitor. That’s the power of love. Are these steps easy? Not always. Are they worth it? Every time! Now quit reading and go find a customer to have a love affair with!

 

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Accidental Racist

In light of all the racist activity taking place today, I was reminded of a duet sung by two unlikely musical giants in their own right.  Although it was written a few years back, I think it’s more applicable today than ever.

The simple truth is we can never know how someone with different skin color feels unless we are able to walk a mile in their skin…which simply isn’t possible.  But we can respect one another.  We can get to know one another and listen to each other’s divergent points of view.  We can hear other’s story and understand what has shaped them into the person they are.

It makes me cringe inside every time I hear of yet another report of violence in our world simply due to the color of a man or woman’s skin.  Friends, we need love.  Yes, I know that’s cliché, but it’s true.  Change starts one person at a time.  One man.  One woman.  One girl.  One boy.  We simply need to love, respect and try to get to know one another.

I grew up in a small east Texas town that was about 50/50 black/white.  Yes, racism was alive and well – but that’s not what I remember.  My graduating class had less than 100 students – not a big school.  But I don’t remember a great racial divide.  I played football right along side my white brothers and my black brothers and thought nothing of it.  Heck back then water breaks were a reward during a 3 hour football practice in the Texas heat.  And to save money, we reused the cups so we were all drinking after one another and thought nothing of it.   And almost 35 years later, I’m still friends with the majority of my classmates regardless of color.

Here’s the thing about hate.  It destroys the hater.  True, it often destroys those that are the target of the hater.  But living with such an intense all-consuming hate also swallows up the hater alive.  At the end of the day, we are all humans.  Our pigment should not be what defines us.  God gave us all our own beautiful hue.  So let’s have love and respect one for another.

Okay, here’s the song I made reference to.  The title is “Accidental Racist” and it’s performed by Brad Paisley and LL Cool J:

To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main, I hope you understand
When I put on that t-shirt, the only thing I meant to say is I’m a Skynyrd fan
The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the south
And I just walked him right in the room
Just a proud rebel son with an ‘ol can of worms
Lookin’ like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view

I’m just a white man comin’ to you from the southland
Tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be
I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done
And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history
Our generation didn’t start this nation
We’re still pickin’ up the pieces, walkin’ on eggshells, fightin’ over yesterday
And caught between southern pride and southern blame

They called it Reconstruction, fixed the buildings, dried some tears
We’re still siftin’ through the rubble after a hundred-fifty years
I try to put myself in your shoes and that’s a good place to begin
But it ain’t like I can walk a mile in someone else’s skin

‘Cause I’m a white man livin’ in the southland
Just like you I’m more than what you see
I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done
And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history
Our generation didn’t start this nation
And we’re still paying for the mistakes
That a bunch of folks made long before we came
And caught between southern pride and southern blame

Dear Mr. White Man, I wish you understood
What the world is really like when you’re livin’ in the hood
Just because my pants are saggin’ doesn’t mean I’m up to no good
You should try to get to know me, I really wish you would
Now my chains are gold but I’m still misunderstood
I wasn’t there when Sherman’s March turned the south into firewood
I want you to get paid but be a slave I never could
Feel like a new fangled Django, dodgin’ invisible white hoods
So when I see that white cowboy hat, I’m thinkin’ it’s not all good
I guess we’re both guilty of judgin’ the cover not the book
I’d love to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air
But I see that red flag and I think you wish I wasn’t here

I’m just a white man
(If you don’t judge my do-rag)
Comin’ to you from the southland
(I won’t judge your red flag)
Tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be

I’m proud of where I’m from
(If you don’t judge my gold chains)
But not everything we’ve done
(I’ll forget the iron chains)
It ain’t like you and me can re-write history
(Can’t re-write history baby)

Oh, Dixieland
(The relationship between the Mason-Dixon needs some fixin’)
I hope you understand what this is all about
(Quite frankly I’m a black Yankee but I’ve been thinkin’ about this lately)
I’m a son of the new south
(The past is the past, you feel me)
And I just want to make things right
(Let bygones be bygones)
Where all that’s left is southern pride
(RIP Robert E. Lee but I’ve gotta thank Abraham Lincoln for freeing me, know what I mean)
It’s real, it’s real
It’s truth

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Me & Daddy – Side by Side

(Originally written in 1996)

Nine years ago my Daddy went home to Heaven.  At 21 years of age, it was very difficult to say my Good-Bye’s and to let him go, but I suspect God must have had a special job for a very special man.  A man that could brighten any room with his smile and the twinkle in his eyes.  A man that was a hard worker all of his life and always treated others with honesty, respect and compassion – regardless of whether they were a banker, doctor, or a ditch-digger.  A man that loved his family dearly and made time in his busy schedule to show and express his love.

The past nine years have provided me an opportunity to reflect often on the memories I hold of my Daddy.  Memories are the only lasting impression we have once a loved one is gone, and I am blessed with an abundance of sweet memories of my Dad.  Growing up in a small Texas town out in the country, there was always a lot of work to be done – most of which was done by my Father and me.  It seems like only yesterday that my Dad put me behind the wheel of a 1963 Ford pickup at the ripe old age of 12 and said “Keep her between the ditches!”  He also taught me to operate our tractor and to back a trailer as straight as an arrow.  He did this by making me back a 16 foot trailer up and down the long narrow lanes of our peach orchard (much to his amusement!).  After I finished, he pointed out that my tire tracks looked like the prints of two giant snakes that had wriggled their way up the lane!  But he didn’t give up on me and eventually I got it right.

And it seemed as if there were always miles of fence to be mended.  I remember the preacher coming out to visit one Saturday afternoon while we were out mending fence.  He went on and on about how special it was to drive up and see a father and a son out working side by side.  He was right, it was very special.  We worked side by side on many projects including mowing pastures, clearing brush, cutting firewood, feeding and working cows, picking peaches, pruning the orchard, building barns and corrals, working our garden, tinkering with truck engines, and whatever else needed doing.  One of my favorite memories is that, at the end of a long hard day, we would walk down a few hundred yards to our stock pond and feed the catfish.  We would sit and relax and sip on some on Mamma’s ice cold sweet tea as we watched the sun slowly sink and fade into the horizon.

In addition to his agricultural pursuits, my father was also a successful businessman.  He and my mother owned a Sears catalog store.  My Dad began taking me with him to make his deliveries at a very young age.  I helped him install everything from washers, dryers, refrigerators, freezers, ranges, air conditioners, garage door openers, riding lawn mowers and anything else that the customer asked to have delivered.  All the while, my Dad was teaching me about the products so that, when I was ready, I could begin working in the family business.  I learned many valuable lessons about business and more importantly, life, by working with my father.

As I reflect back, I can now see that most of the “work” I was required to do was really to teach me a lesson of some sort.  One lesson that I will never ever forget is the lesson of the “electric fly”.  We had just finished stringing up an electric fence around our hay to keep the cows out.  Standing back and admiring our work, I noticed a fly sitting on the electric wire.  I pointed at the fly with the pair of metal pliers I was holding and asked my Dad why the fly was not being shocked.  He told me to gently give the fly a little nudge with my pliers.  As I got the metal pliers close to the fly, the electric current arced through the fly and gave me quite a jolt!  When he quite laughing, he explained that the fly was not being shocked because he wasn’t grounded.  But when I got my pliers close enough, I was grounded and thus the electricity had no problem flowing through me!  Needless to say, the fly didn’t survive that little lesson.

While my Daddy and I did work hard, we also took time out to play and enjoy ourselves.  One of our favorite activities was to go for a long motorcycle ride on Sunday afternoons.  We must have explored every little single lane road in the county.  We also enjoyed watching the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday afternoons even though we could never agree on who the best player was and whether or not Tom Landry had called the right play!  In addition to motorcycles and football, we loved stock car racing (before it was cool).  We watched our fair share on television, but the most exciting times were when Daddy would take me to the races.  Afterwards, we would walk the pit area and he would tell me everything there was to know about each of the cars.

Whether in work or in play, my Daddy and I were often seen side by side – partners through thick and thin.  He always told everybody that I was his A#1 helper and I’ve always said that he was and still is my greatest hero.  As Father’s Day is nearing, I suspect I will replay many of the fond memories in my head and at least once during the day lift my eyes toward Heaven and whisper to him how much I love him.  And finally, I will slip down to the old country cemetery and spend a few moments underneath the huge shade tree where he is buried and give thanks to my Heavenly Father for the wonderful earthly Father that He gave me.

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Suck It Up, Buttercup!

Whiners, complainers and those that refuse to take full responsibility for their lives are three of my least favorite people groups!  Their incessant blame is like a non-stop needle being slowly scratched across a record.  We all know them.  They’re easy to spot.  They will begin unloading their troubles on you the minute you accidentally step within their ever so wide bubble.  Like a Dyson on steroids, they will swiftly suck you into their vortex as they drone on and on about how unfair life is.

And if you’re not careful, you will unknowingly sign up for their club!  They thrive on new members and love to methodically drag you down into their pit of misery.  If we’re being honest, I suspect both you and I have been in their club at least a few times in our lives.  The key is not to become a permanent and lifelong member.

Life happens.  We all go through tough times.  Chances are you are currently 1) headed into a storm 2) in  a storm or 3) just got out of a storm.  Not to be bleak, but if you are looking for a trouble-free life, you are deceiving yourself.  Count on it.  There will be trouble.

So now that I’ve worked you into a deep depression by telling you about the boatloads of trouble headed your way, how do you successfully navigate the murky waters ahead?  The first thing that comes to my mind is simply to “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP”!  We’ve all heard this phrase, but what does it really mean?

Here are some steps to the fine art of Sucking It Up:

  • OWN IT! Stop and take an assessment of the mess you’re in.  Divorce?  Bankruptcy?  Bad report from the doctor?  Fired from your job?  What role did you play in the current storm you are in?  Accept responsibility for your predicament.  100% responsibility.  Acknowledge the error of your ways.  This is the first and maybe the most important step in getting through your struggle.  And yes, I know that bad things sometime happen to good people through no fault of their own (killed by drunk driver, kids getting cancer, etc).  But ultimately, you must own the circumstances or condition you are currently in.  Wishing it didn’t exist or burying your head in the sand will only compound the struggle.
  • DECIDE! Carefully weigh your options.  What will you do differently to get a new and better result?  Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.  Find a mentor.  Ask the opinion of those you respect.  Put all of your options on the table.  And then…DECIDE.  Don’t wish.  Don’t hope.  Don’t procrastinate.  Make a firm decision and then commit to that decision.  This changes your internal dialogue from “I want to” to “I WILL”.  Deciding will free your mind of the myriad of options and give you a narrow path to focus on.
  • TAKE ACTION! Making a firm decision must lead straight to action.  Otherwise, all of your “Owning It” and “Decisions” are in vain.  As Peter Marshall once said, “Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned”.  I have definitely been guilty of over-planning and under-doing from time to time.  Planning is much easier than doing the hard work of taking action.  Ultimately, action is what separates the winners from the losers and the dreamers from the doers.  What if the Apollo 11 crew had only made great plans to fly to and land on the moon but never took action and actually left earth?  What if Thomas Edison had only strategized about harnessing electricity to invent the first incandescent light bulb, but never acted on those plans?  You get the point.  We must take massive action even when we don’t yet have the entire plan.
  • LEARN FROM IT! Once you have owned your mistake, made a firm decision to correct the mistake and taken action, it’s time to learn from the experience.  What are the takeaways?  How can you prevent the same mistake again?  Does your plan of action address the root cause of the issue?  What lessons learned can be applied to other areas of your life?  Take some time to write your findings in your journal.
  • LET IT GO! After you’ve done the hard work in steps 1-4, the final step is simply to “let it go”.  Don’t beat yourself up over your mistake(s).  We are all imperfect humans and we are going to make some bad decisions and wrong turns.  But now it’s time to move forward and focus your full energy and attention on the task at hand and not on the mistakes of the past.

So, the next time you find yourself mired neck deep in a swirling endless cesspool of poo-poo, just remember to “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP”!

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Days of the Week…or…Daze of the Weak?

Boxer

Life is a grind.  Then you die.  The end.

Does it ever feel like that to you?  Yeah, me too.  If we’re not careful we can allow our lives to become mind numbingly monotonous as we simply grind out one day after the next.  Wake up.  Work.  Go to bed.  Rinse and repeat.

In the fast paced society we live in, it becomes very easy to get caught up on life’s treadmill with tigers and lions nipping relentlessly at our heels!  One day fades obliviously into the next until we look up and it’s Sunday night and time to start all over again.

“Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”     – Psalm 90:12 NIV

So how do we ensure we are experiencing joy filled and meaningful “Days” instead of living out a zombie horror movie and stumbling around in a “Daze”?

Here are a few ideas you might want to experiment with:

  • Have a “Big Why”: Finding your “Big Why” is the first step to climbing out of the haze of the daily grind and into your purpose.  Your “Big Why” or your purpose should absolutely rip you out of bed in the morning.  It will fuel your tank with energy all day long and when the going gets tough it will keep you from putting it on auto-pilot.  It’s your reason for being and why you were created.
  • Number Your Days: “Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12 NIV.  Life is brief and it’s a wise person that takes into account this brevity and works to make each and every day count.  The life expectancy for men is 27,740 days and 29,565 days for women.  I am 52 which according to the charts, means I have about 8760 days left.  I intend to make every one of them count!
  • Be Fully Present: This is the micro version of “Number Your Days”.  Quick quiz.  How much of each 24 hour day are you fully alive and present?  Are you just going through motions or are you 100% engaged and focused during your waking hours?  Are you eyeball to eyeball with your young children providing them your full attention when they ask you the same question for the zillionth time?  How about your spouse or co-workers?  No “phoning it in” allowed.
  • Get Some Peeps: Everyone needs a community or a tribe to belong to.  My wife and I have 3 other couples that we “do life” with.  Every Sunday night we get together at one of our homes, share a meal together, and spend time enjoying each other’s company.  When I’m hurting, this is the group I turn to.  When I’m coasting through life, they are the ones that encourage me to get back on track – or even provide a swift kick in the butt if that’s what is needed.  When I have a victory to celebrate, they are there to congratulate me and celebrate with me.  No man (or woman) is an island.  We were created for relationships.  If you don’t have peeps, get some.

You were not placed on this earth by chance and you certainly weren’t placed here to stumble through life in a daze.  Find your people, learn your purpose and commit to being present and alive throughout the rest of your life.

 

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It’s Doable!

Tight Rope Walker

Can Do or Can’t Do?

When you are faced with a huge challenge, what is your initial reaction?  Do you immediately shrink back and look at all of the reasons “it can’t be done”?  Or do you take a long cleansing breath, dig deep within your resolve, and look for all the ways “it CAN be done”?

Obviously the two examples above are polar opposites and most of us probably fall somewhere between the two extremes.  Recently, my wife presented me with a fairly big challenge in the area of our finances. More specifically, she rolled out the dreaded “B” word.  That’s right…Budget.

I don’t like budgets and I immediately began to object and list all of the reasons her budget simply would not work.  After a hearty back and forth exchange, we tabled the subject and I was satisfied that perhaps the budget would die a quiet death.  Two or three days passed and no mention of the budget.  Life is good.  Needless to say I was thrilled.

And then I got the email.  It was from my wife and simply contained two words in the subject line…”IT’s DOABLE”.  Hmm, I didn’t need to be a brain surgeon to quickly surmise the contents of the email.  Begrudgingly I opened it and began to read.  She very gently spelled out all of the ways that the budget was indeed doable.  And here’s the kicker, she was right.  (And don’t you just hate it when your spouse is right!)

Putting In the Work

The bottom line is that I didn’t want to put in the time, effort, discipline and sacrifice to make the budget work.  As I slowly began to “undig my heels” and get on board with the budget, I began looking for ways to make the budget work.  In a weird sort of way, it’s actually become fun to find new and different ways to come in under budget.  And the long term benefits will certainly outweigh the initial discomfort we have experienced.

The whole exercise really got me to thinking.  “What else is DOABLE that I have quickly and resolutely said NO to in the past?”  And more importantly, what benefits have I been missing out on by not tackling these situations head on?  As I rolled these thoughts around in my head, I began to consider how I can get better at leaning into tough situations and challenges.  After doing a bit of research as well as reflecting on my own life, here are a few thoughts that I hope will help you with your next challenge.

Be An Overcomer

  • Let go of the Fallacy that “Life Should be Easy”. Often times we dismiss a challenge because we know it will be difficult…and we’re simply not willing to put forth the effort.  Somewhere along the line many of us bought into the myth that we deserve a life of ease and pleasure  Nothing could be further from the truth.  There will be trouble.  Count on it.
  • Embrace the Challenge. Change your mindset and lean in to the problem.  Embrace it.  Confront it head on and realize that this situation is not permanent.  This challenge will pass…and the quicker you embrace it, the quicker it will be over.
  • Ask for Help.  Let go of your stubborn pride and ask for help when you need it.  Seek wise counsel.  Let go of the need to be right.  Consider the fact that there are probably solutions you haven’t thought of.  Be open to change.
  • Put in the Work. All of the other steps are pointless if you aren’t willing to do the work.  As the late Jim Rohn once said, “You can’t hire someone else to do your pushups for you.”

Count Your Blessings.  Regardless of how difficult your challenge is, stop and count your blessings.  Realize that the adversity you are currently traveling though will bless you and make you a better person…if you let it.

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“Sticks and Stones” is a Big Fat Lie!

HELP Pic

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Was this loving little rhyme shared with you by your parents or another authority figure when you were a child?  Yeah?  Me too.  But over time, I’ve learned that it’s simply not true.  Words hurt.  A lot.

Words Matter

If you look back over world history – or even the history of your own life, almost all heartache, pain, strife, wars, etc. were first started with…Words!  Likewise, as you reflect on your past, I bet there are many memories you can recall where others spoke positive words into your life.  It’s easy to see that words have a profound effect on our lives.  These words eventually led to outcomes in your life that were either positive (good feelings) or negative (hurt feelings).

You have the power to speak life into those that are around you, but you also have the power to speak death and destruction into them.  Scripture says that while the “tongue is a small part of the body” (James 3:5), it “has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21).  That’s incredible if you think about it.  One of the smallest parts of our body has this massive power to bring either love, healing, and affirmation or hatred, poison, and death.  The choice is up to us…and it has major consequences.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
    but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

-Proverbs 12:18

One of Many Times I’ve Blown It…

Recently, I was having a really bad day.  And at the end of this long disastrous day, my teenage daughter made a request of me that just didn’t sit right – it hit a nerve.  It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and sadly I unleashed my entire days’ worth of hurt and frustration on her.  I could quickly see that I crushed her spirit, which was certainly not my intention.  After taking some time to cool off, I asked her if she would ride with me to grab a coffee so that we could talk and clear the air.  I humbled myself and apologized to her.  And while she did extend her forgiveness and we made things right between us, I know there are still consequences.  I spoke words that can never be “unspoken” and sadly she heard words that will most likely never be “unheard”.  Words matter.  A lot.

Choose to Bring Life!

So the question begs, how can we use our words to bring life and not death?  I wish I could give you a magical formula, but I can’t.  Have you ever noticed how the so-called magical formulas never work anyway?  But what I can offer, are some truths I’ve gained through my own struggles of taming the tongue as well as those of others.

  • Daily Self Awareness: Take time to check in with yourself throughout the day.  This one takes some discipline on your part.  It’s okay to feel the emotions of anger and hurt, but realize when you are in this state and choose your words and conversations very carefully.  Had I done this with my daughter, I might have avoided the pain I caused her.
  • Guard Your Heart: Scripture tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).  This means that all of the words flowing out of your mouth – both beautiful and ugly – are based on the condition of your heart.
  • Choose Love: Love truly does conquer all. Often times those we hurt the most are also those we love the most.  In anger, it’s easy to lash out against our spouse and attack their weak spots.  The same holds true with relationships with our friends, family, work, and even compete strangers.  Choosing love over hate is often difficult, but it produces beautiful consequences in both the giver and receiver.
  • Surround Yourself with Loving People: As much as possible, fill your life with loving people that truly have your best interest at heart.  We all know people that suck the air right out of the room when they enter due to their negativity.  If it’s possible, avoid toxic people.  And if it’s not possible, refer to number 3 above.  J
  • Admit When You Have Blown It: We are human and at times our emotions will get the best of us regardless of how hard we try for that not to happen.  So when you blow it, admit it and seek forgiveness.  Speaking words of humility can go a long way to restoring a relationship and easing the pain.

So while sticks and stones may break our bones, words also have the ability to both break the bones and crush the spirit.  Because words matter.  A lot.

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Lincoln Thinking

Angry Man

Have you ever sent an email in anger and had instant remorse the second after you hit send?  Yeah?  Me too.  It usually doesn’t end well.  Early in my career as an over-zealous telecom salesman, I had a big sale on the line and I was very excited.  However, not only did I have to sell the prospect, I also had to sell the Accounting Manager that this prospects credit rating was worth the risk.

I felt like the Accounting Manager was dragging her feet and in my haste and anger, I sent her a message letting her know this in no uncertain terms.  Well, my little message eventually made it to the CEO/Owner of the company and I was quickly summoned to the principles’ office where I received a well-deserved attitude adjustment!

A year or so after this event, I was reading a book about my all-time favorite U.S. President…Abraham Lincoln.  One of the interesting things I learned about Lincoln is that he often became very upset with those under his command.  As a result of this, he would frequently write them scathing letters…and then stick them in his desk drawer never to be mailed.  It was only upon his death that many of these letters were discovered.  Apparently he was able to resolve his anger by writing the letter, but never mailing it.

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

-Abraham Lincoln 

I have since adopted a similar practice and I call it “Lincoln Thinking”.  If I’m angry – especially in business – I will write a blistering email letting all of my anger and emotion drain out of my body onto the page.  I then carefully put that email in my drafts folder where it remains unsent for at least 24 hours.  I then revisit the email after 24 hours and I am often appalled at what I’ve written – and very relieved I didn’t send the email!  Typically I delete the draft and if I still have issues that must be resolved, I can now do so in a more relaxed and tactful method.

So the next time someone has you all riled up, go ahead and write that draft email and let them have it!  Give them all you’ve got and get it all out of your system!  Then carefully place the email in your drafts folder to be reviewed at a later time.  One note of caution – DO NOT put their email address on the email just in case you accidentally hit send!  And if you are worried about a computer security leak, you might be better served writing an old fashioned letter with pen and paper that can then be shredded or burned.  Either way, I hope you choose to exercise “Lincoln Thinking” the next time someone works you into a twist!

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Example or Warning – Which Are You?

Angel Devil Pic

Does the way you live matter?  There’s an old adage that says that as long as I’m not hurting anyone else, the way I live is my business.  I disagree.  Unless a person is living on a remote island by themselves, the way they live impacts others.  We are all either an “Example” or a “Warning”.

Think for a moment about the people closest to you…friends, family, co-workers, etc.  As you mentally sift through those relationships, I suspect you can pretty quickly categorize them into either the Example column or the Warning column.  Ironically enough, both are valuable.  The Examples are obviously people we want to learn from and emulate and the Warnings are those we want to learn what NOT to do.

It’s easy to criticize sports heroes and celebrities for being Warnings of what NOT to do.  Due to their celebrity status, they have the ability to reach many more as either a Shining Example or Horrific Warning.  But let’s step back and dial it in a little closer to home.  Just because our reach is not as wide as that of a celebrity, do we have any less responsibility to be a positive Example to the world?

As the parent of 2 teenage daughters and 1 teenage stepson (pray for me),  it’s become painfully clear that I have been both the Example and the Warning.  If you’re a parent and want to know if you are an Example or a Warning, just study your children and that truth will smack you right between the eyes!  In the extreme, it’s so sad to see parents with significant behavioral issues (lying, drug use, cheating, etc.) that don’t understand why their child is also a chronic liar, drug user, and cheater.

But what if you are single and don’t have children?  Do you have friends?  How about co-workers?  Perhaps you manage people?  Siblings?  Parents?  The point is we are all influencing others on a daily basis by the way we live our lives.  If you could step out of your body and view your life for a day from the outside, would you be an Example or a Warning?  Would you want to be your friend?

In his wonderful book, “Integrity”, Dr. Henry Cloud states that, just like a boat, we all leave a wake in our path.  The question is, what kind of wake are we leaving?  Is it something of use and of beauty that leaves the world a better place?  As others view your wake do they admire and respect the path you are leaving behind?  Or is your wake ugly and destructive and a dire warning to the world around you?  From my observation, we are both Examples and Warnings at various times throughout our lives.

Here are a few ways I’ve learned to get better at being an Example instead of a Warning:

  • Journal and reflect on each day. Honestly assess how you lived your life that day.
  • Ask! If you are fortunate enough to have friends that will give you the hard truth, ask them.  Ask your spouse or significant other.
  • If you lead or manage others, provide them the opportunity to give feedback anonymously.
  • Spend time in prayer asking God to show you areas of your life that.
  • Forgive yourself when you fail and are a Warning instead of an Example. Commit to doing better the next day.
  • Notice if there are trends or areas of continuous challenges and seek professional help.
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Good Pickles and Gratitude

What in the world do good pickles and gratitude have to do with one another?  Well hang tight, we will get to that in a moment.  But first, let me start with a confession.  It’s one that I’m not proud of, and so if it’s okay, I’ll just whisper my little secret to you very quietly so as to keep it just between the two of us.  Is that okay?  You promise not to tell?  Okay, here goes…”When I was a young man, I was very ungrateful…and sometimes I still struggle with being ungrateful today”.  Whew!  Confession really is good for the soul as I feel better already!  But don’t tell anyone, ok?

It Starts With Gratitude

So what exactly is gratitude?  In its simplest form, gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness.  It can be for something really big like a good report from the doctor or maybe something smaller like getting extra sprinkles on your ice cream cone!  They key to experiencing gratitude is consciously choosing to be present and be thankful for both the big and small things in life.   And let’s be honest, it’s much easier to be thankful for those big things.  But life is usually made up of many more mundane moments than big breathtaking moments.  So the challenge is being able to consistently be grateful for the simple, small and almost invisible moments that we take for granted.

The opposite of being grateful is of course being ungrateful.  And in its worst form, it shows up as entitlement. When I was in my twenties, it was very easy for me to drift into a full blown sense of entitlement!  After all, I had worked hard, received my college degree, had a good job and had sadly bought into the myth that I was entitled to all that life had to offer.  I see this same sense of entitlement running rampant throughout our society today.

Entitlement starts at a young age with children demanding that their parents meet all of their wants and desires.  It continues with young adults in their mid to late twenties mooching off of their parents.  This sense of entitlement (and lack of gratitude) may be most evident with the myriad of Government aid programs that are being milked and abused by countless of able bodied adults.  And the list goes on.  At the heart of it all are the twin spirits of ungratefulness and entitlement.

What Wall is Your Ladder Leaned Up Against?

Additionally, many of us spend our entire lives climbing the proverbial ladder that’s leaned against the wrong wall.  Why is this?  Perhaps we are hyper focused on trying to achieve all of the things we DON’T have instead of being grateful for all that we DO have.

When I was a little boy, my sweet mamma used to tell me that, when she gets down about not having all that she would like to have, she pretends that everything she does have has just been taken from her.  She lives in that sadness for a moment and then imagines how grateful she would be if everything that had been taken was suddenly returned.  It’s a simple exercise, but I challenge you to try it and feel the profound sense of joy you will receive when you “get your stuff back”!

Okay, so I promised to tell you how good pickles and gratitude go together.  In my late twenties, I was doing very well financially and decided to take my family, my mother, and my mother’s cousin to dinner.  It was a nice restaurant, and I wanted it all to be perfect…after all, I way paying.  Oh I was such a cocky young snot!  Anyway, things went wrong from the start.  It took forever to get a table.  The wait staff was slow to take our orders.  Some of the orders were wrong.  Anything and everything that could go wrong seemed to be happening.  Murphy’s Law was in full force and had a stranglehold on our evening.

At one point, I looked up and everybody at the table was griping and grumbling…except for Myrna.  Myrna is my mom’s cousin.  She lives on a fixed budget and rarely if ever gets to eat out.  Just as I was listening to all of us complaining about the night, Myrna looks up at me and smiles and then says cheerfully, “These sure are GOOD PICKLES!”  Wow, she was oblivious to all of the ungratefulness the rest of us were showing and simply chose to focus and be thankful for something as small as a pickle.  Lesson learned.  Now, many years later, when I find myself being ungrateful and griping and complaining, I try to find something to be grateful about…and then whisper under my breath, “These sure are good pickles”.